Susan's Shuso Blog: Taking Refuge

I say the refuges to myself often. I say them before I go to bed. I say them when I wake up in the middle of the night. I say them when I am stalled in traffic. I say them when I am having a sticky problem with a friend .

I take refuge in buddha
I take refuge in dharma
I take refuge in sangha

The refuges are also known as "the triple treasure." They are said to be the base upon which all the other precepts rest. They are home base. They are where you go when there is nowhere else to be.

Yesterday I said something to my daughter I shouldn't have said. It was early morning and I wasn't quite awake. I wrestled with excuses until mid-afternoon when I knew something had to be done. I realized my words had more to do with my inability to let go of some things than it had to do with what she had said to me. I knew I needed to let go but there was a part of me that was still hanging on.

I went to Ragle Park. I lay on the copper covered bench in the peace garden. At 6 p .m. it still held warm from the sun. I lay there and I said the refuges over and over and over again. I invited the refuges to help me let go.

What does in mean to take refuge? For me it means taking refuge from old patterns and ways of being that no longer work. It means the possibility of moving toward freedom.

I come home and I say I am sorry. I have come home to my true home.