tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3080009381522411997.post6971815014710543577..comments2023-08-17T06:35:40.336-07:00Comments on Beginner's Mind: Hurtful WordsMichelle Winghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10517361156145245696noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3080009381522411997.post-91578485806735120362010-12-07T21:53:02.360-08:002010-12-07T21:53:02.360-08:00Nathan, thanks for putting words to what I was str...Nathan, thanks for putting words to what I was struggling with - that sense that somehow I deserved the bad reaction. Hearing you say it about yourself made me realize how ridiculous it was - Of course you wouldn't deserve such treatment! Then the next step, was to apply that tenderness to myself. And it was also a good reminder that people do hide behind the computer screen. After the exchange with this woman, when talking to my partner Sabrina, I referred to her as "the sniper," because that's what it felt like - a sniper attack. Not playing fair at all.<br /><br />Bookbird, I am always glad to see your name on the screen. Thanks for your well wishes.<br /><br />AL, you are so right when you say generally someone's spite is about themselves and not about you. I know that - I just forget it in the moment. Thanks for the reminder. Like you, I am always looking for a lesson in the pain. Sometimes they do surface. If nothing else, I continue to learn more about myself, and my own reactions, needs, vulnerabilities. That's something.Michelle Winghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10517361156145245696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3080009381522411997.post-76537307642485005492010-12-06T08:16:38.438-08:002010-12-06T08:16:38.438-08:00Hey, Michelle. That comment by the reader is so me...Hey, Michelle. That comment by the reader is so mean . . . receiving something like that would have made me feel vulnerable and upset too. The most helpful thing I have heard to help me protect myself from situations like that is to remember that whatever it is that spurred that person to write that to you . . . it's about her, not you. My grandfather used to say really mean things like that . . . it's like someone being vulnerable just created an itch in him to cause pain. I don't have a good explanation for why he was the way he was . . . but I wouldn't want to trade places and live inside his narrow emotional world. That you can be honest and love deeply are the sources of your rich internal world and also capacity for connection to others. The thing causing the disconnection with this one reader is on her side (the way she made this communication made that clear), and is out of your control. When stuff like this happens to me, I have trouble leaving it alone . . . hoping that there's a useful lesson in the painful message someone else is giving me . . . but I haven't actually had the experience of getting anything useful from continuing to try to communicate with someone like that. Best wishes, including wishes of self-care.ALnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3080009381522411997.post-88255941540694838252010-12-06T07:56:10.190-08:002010-12-06T07:56:10.190-08:00I find myself gravitating towards those negative c...I find myself gravitating towards those negative comments and "worst case" outcomes far too often. In my own case, I've noticed there's an underlying story that says, basically, "You deserve this. You did something wrong at some point, and now are getting your punishment." It's a totally fatalistic view, but I've been seeing lately how often it runs my life. <br /><br />As for these cruel exchanges, especially in e-mails and other online comments, it's hard to know what's going on. People hide behind their screens, and say these things, and then you're often left to deal with them. Sometimes, it's just a game being played to see if you'll get wound up. Sometimes, it's someone blowing off steam. Sometimes, it's someone who disagrees with what you wrote, but can't figure out why. Sometimes, it's something else you couldn't even guess. <br /><br />It's disappointing that this woman chose a death in the family as the point to take a stab at you. I've lost elderly pets myself, and after living with them twenty years, you have a bond and you experience grief - sometimes deep grief. I suppose all you can do with such nastiness is to let yourself experience a response, and then let it be. <br /><br />Take care.Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13920234350446745482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3080009381522411997.post-90336030107095825692010-12-06T01:47:30.691-08:002010-12-06T01:47:30.691-08:00I am so sorry to hear about your friend Barney. So...I am so sorry to hear about your friend Barney. Sounds like your words touch many people and I hope you keep writing - and that person that wrote that email... I am sorry for that person as well. Thankyou for sharing this story!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04122762432900082546noreply@blogger.com